How disappointing.

Honestly, I'm trying to get over it. The truth is, the only way i can get over it is to completely shut it out of my life. &that's like the hardest thing i can ever do. It's disappointing. I've known it for so long, and it's been there for forever. Sometimes i feel lost without it. I mean it's one of the closest things i've ever been so close with. I'm like trapped. I have to get over it sometime. But it'll be hard, but it's possible. Right ? People keep telling me I deserve better and all that. And i know it true, but It's honestly not helping. "I'll be okay" yeah i know. But how can i if i have no idea what to do? I don't want to ignore it. I don't want to shut it out. I just want it to be back to normal. I feel stupid. Cause i keep wanting this stuff to happen to me. I just want, and i don't DO. Maybe I'll start trying. Another thing is, I never thought of how it would affect him. I mean, I've heard and seen that he has be changing a lot. And idk why this is happening. I liked it better 8 months ago. Thanks support for being there. I have my friends that no one can ever take away from me. I have my family, especially my brother, mom, and dad. I just need to try harder, right?